the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize