Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize