They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize