At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
