she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
PANTIES FOUND
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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