I cannot find my penis.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My hand turned me down
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
