the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hippo gnu deer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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