New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
