i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
