So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
