Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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