Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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