the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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