:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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