my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
