how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
