It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
