just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
