Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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