And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's official drugs can't kill me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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