i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
