Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize