im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
