My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
