ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
