i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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