ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
