Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
