Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize