how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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