i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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