does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
