i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
