Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
