ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
