My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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