When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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