"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.