If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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