i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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