she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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