my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize