It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
