oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
where am i from again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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