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okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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