My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week