He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.