Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.