So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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