Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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