you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
