Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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