Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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