You smell like stripper and shame
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Alive.
So much puke
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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