so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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