Welp...herpes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
