you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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