Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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