i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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