Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
