I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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