CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
