after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
