I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world