So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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