No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
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Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money