This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
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dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want nice things and good sex
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.