found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something