Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
