Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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