I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
