you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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